Ajahn Brahm: The Power of Self-Centredness

Get to know the talk this morning and thus very last min to rally up my friends yet managed to get some folks down! Wasn't that an interesting title, The Power of Self-Centredness. I thought Ajahn Brahm can't be encouraging us to be selfish and egoistic :S But just his name alone made be felt worthwhile skipping my revision and heading there to meet him. And here's what I "thought" I remembered.

His Venerable starts by how amazed he was during his childhood days, he remembered whenever a child falls down and grazed his leg, his mother will just give the wound a kiss. The pain will just fade away and the wound heals up. Now a doctor would never do that coz the mouth is full of bacteria. But it works miraculously and he believes its the power of love that heals the wound.

Whenever he is sick or in pain, he will meditate and tries to spread his love to the pain. The illness will just recover very soon. Its just like the kiss on the wound from the mother.

He mentioned that a doctor came upon him dejected and sad due to his failed treatment causing the death of a patient. This led the young doctor leave his house and abandoned his home. Ajahn Brahm's advice to him is that he failed because his goal is to cure his patient. He will always fail because everyone will die one day. Instead, care for your patient. With that, he will always succeed and improve.

Ajahn Brahm being a scientist before taking the tonsure said he never believes in giving blessing but seems like its part of a job being a monk. He said that if chants work, then he just need to have a recorder and followers just dialed a number and he can get different kinds of chants he needs :) But he mentioned that he's blessing seems efficacious and he believes its due to his compassion. Everyone loves to be loved especially patient. He remembered once where he was suppose to give his blessings to a soon-to-depart patient but end up recovered his health after the blessings given!!

He just returned from his Indonesia trip and he recalls thousands of audience came for his talk recently. There are christians, catholics and muslims and he said everyone to him seems the same physically. He said that his brother is a banker and non-buddhist and he is a buddhist monk yet the sibling shared loves for each other. His nephew and nieces always welcomes him.

He explains on the notion of selflessness. He said selflessness is always thought of wrongly. Doing things not thinking of oneself is stupidity! He recalls during a marriage blessing ceremony at Malaysia, he tells the couple not to think for themselves and not to think of their spouse...... He mentioned that true selflessness is not to think for others or himself only but thinking in the perspective of "US". If something is wrong in the relationship is OUR problem not anyone's problem. Be it in our workplace or dealing with people, we should always think of everyone as OURS, cooperation will then be possible.

He suggested that school system should be changed. Marks should be like 70% on personal achievements while 30% is the average score of the class. With that, children can start to help each other and learn team spirit better. He also quoted examples how it can be done in workplace.

Selfish love among a man and a woman is a good way to grow love. And when they starts a family, this love will be extended to the kids. And when we have that, we could even learn to accept everyone with love. And that includes loving our enemy. Self-centredness is good as long as its used wisely. Love can start from self, extending to others. Inability to love ownself is very dangerous.

In the Q&A session, someone mentioned how to love someone when he is giving you constant pain. Venerable said that reflect upon using compassion. Imagine that we just have to face this "pain" few hours per day but this nasty poor soul has to face himself 24hrs everyday. He said to himself that he must not let people control his happiness and he has all rights to love anyone. Nursing a hatred is misery to both party. Loving your enemy makes you feel better and allows the other party to realize his mistakes even clearer and effectively.

As one knowing oneself, Ajahn Brahm talk about a famous indian story of a smith having many male disciples and a beautiful daughter. To get the daughter's hand, smith ordered all his disciples to go into the village to steal from the villages. The loot will be the dowry and his daughter will be given to the wisest man and most obedient ones. One disciple came back empty handed. Upon asking why he is not obeying him, the man says that he is obeying. The Smith's command is to steal without anyone looking. But whenever he steals he found that he is always looking. This story is to show that even when no one knows what we do, we ourselves is looking at our own deeds.

Someone ask Ajahn Brahm, isn't being a monk selfish having to abandon his family. He says that being a monk is training from loving your love ones to loving everyone. He also mentioned that Buddhism is free from hierarchies. Some arch-bishops were displeased with the Vatican as they are setting orders not based on what happen on the ground. Buddha said in the Sutta that after him, no one will take over his role and let his teachings be the guide. Follow the Dharma not the monks. Monks are just like anyone of us, sure to make mistakes still.

Kids nowadays seem to be influenced badly and becoming more self-centric. Ajahn Brahm commented that even teen gangs function in groups and isolation is lonely. Teens should be given more space to learn. On question about a selfish father not taking care of the family but wanting the children to pay him allowance when they started working. Ajahn Brahm advice that it is a good way to reflect on selfishness and we will not commit that on our kids. The advice he gave to the person is to shower the father with more love.

He ends off my sharing merits to all sentient beings and victims of recent disaster. Hope this covers as much of the information that my tiny brain can recall :)